Gratitude

Reading from Edmund Chen's book "Growing Deep in God: Integrating Theology and Prayer"

I'm not much of a reader, but i love his writings and books, so i figured in a new year, this would be a good place to start to pen down my thoughts and also use this as a medium to encourage my disciples in their walk. (Gid, Kim: I hope you are reading this).

But more so, this is for me. Life has become so busy that i need to type to slow down. Or my mind just rushes through.

Gratitude Glorifies God
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"It seems to me that the greatest spiritual danger among Christians is not hating God, but taking God for granted."-- Edmund Chan

I realise that i take God for granted very often in my actions. Very often, i know that God has taken care of me and has given me favor, and my heart is grateful. But you know what? My actions and daily thoughts are totally the opposite.

I have a horrible tendency, and that is to compare. I like to compare with other people. They have more, they look better, this guy is funnier, the other one is more popular, she is richer and this thought pattern goes on. When do i stop and remember that God has been good to me and He has a plan and purpose for my life. And that He has showered much upon me, more than i deserve? Where is the gratitude?

I really need this at the core of my soul, to remember that He has given me the greatest gift of all, my salvation. I am set free from sin, i can freely come to God and fellowship with Him, but yet... ... I often don't. I choose to sin, i choose to ignore God. Where is the gratitude?

Perhaps i do not understand the enormity of this gift of salvation from God? I take it for granted. Sigh... ...

And in my daily life, He has been blessing me. My work, my job, being able to experience life overseas, favor, my marriage, my finances... when i look at it, what do i lack? Nothing, except my relationship with Him.

I'm beginning to feel it. An emptiness in my heart. I've tried material things, they don't fill the emptiness for long. Humor, that doesn't last long either. Friends and relationship, the emptiness is filled more but something is missing.

Then there is God. I'm convinced that He fills this emptiness fully. I have experienced it before, but as the troubles and hurts in the past years piled up, and then after i started to work, i went further and further away from Him. Sheesh, how did i fall so far? Seriously... I surmise that it could be like gaining weight, it creeps up on you. slowly, every moment of neglect, every extra bite, every lack of exercise... before you know it, you gained 20kg. And like with God, you suddenly realise that you have strayed so far and you don't know how to stop.

I am grateful to God. But i want to be truly grateful, the kind of grateful that translate to my thought life and to my actions. I need to slow down and make time to be with God.

But even in my state, Luzanne reminded me this. This realisation of where i am, of what is happening to my spiritual walk, is a grace from God. The desire, however weak, to want to be close to God again, is from God, working in me.

God is control. (regardless of what i think)

God cares for me. (regardless of what i may be feeling at the moment)

There is hope in Him and there is hope for me!

I just need to remember to take baby steps now. towards Him.

I will give thanks to Him for all that He has done and all that He will do.

And a lesson i got from the chapter of the book that i'm reading is this:

Prayer is listening to God.

Prayer is "Speak, Lord, for Thy servant servant Heareth" NOT
"Hear, Lord, for Thy servant Speaketh"

I'm learning to listen.

(side note, i realise that most of my posts don't gel logically, but its just me typing out whatever i think)

France and the concept of Home

Hi All,

Was in France for the past week for a workshop. Interesting and eye opening, however, it left me with mixed feelings about what i consider home.

Will elaborate more as at another tine as it is really late now and i have to work tmr.

But in short, is home a place, a person/group of persons, a building? I miss Singapore, but what does that even mean?

More next time.

New Chapter Ramblings

Dear All,

This blog has resurrected. Why? Well, mainly because i am now in a new chapter of my life. If you guys don't know, I'm now posted to work in Sweden Karlskrona.
I really don't know what to expect in life now. Seriously. If you ask me, from the time i was 18 till now, little of my life has gone the way i have expected. Interestingly, i can say that that was the same time i accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

Here are some random pics to spice up the post:

COS people sending us off. I really never expected so many ppl to have come. Blessed

Wife and the Tham Sisters!

My dear friend and loyal brother .

How has life gone totally off from what i thought it would be?
For starters, I really thought that i would breeze through my conscript years easily, both socially and physically. Interestingly, i was really pushed to the brink of depression during half of my unit days while i found my footing in the other half. I entered university thinking that i would excel in my studies, to finally work hard, in the end, the only place which i worked my hardest was in Campus Crusade and hardly in my studies. I thought that i would stay in my first church and be there serving happily, instead what happened was that i left the church for painful reasons and went on to wander in church plants and a point of church homelessness, only to find home in the last church that would cross my mind, little flock international. I thought i would just be a teacher and work with youth, but in the end, i'm working in my current industry doing project management. I never hoped nor cared to travel the world, but for the last 3 years, i have been flying to places and countries by myself to interact with other cultures.

Now, i never thought nor wished to work away from Singapore, now here i am in a foreign country, doing a job which i do not know how to do. (Very little of what i was doing the last 3 years have prepared me for the role which i had little choice in taking up. A simple illustration is this: Its like asking someone to play the guitar in front of a huge paying audience. The catch is that you have never learned to play the guitar in your entire life!)

Gid and i trying for an IRON MAN pose. Massive FAIL!

I'm a simple man, that wants a simple life. I just want to have a family, raise 2-3 kids ( a result of PAP convincing), work with youth, be happy in Singapore. I have not been getting that, well, not a huge majority at least.

I'm now just asking God, why?

Just a big WHY! Why what? Why everything.

Why am i not the normal churchy type? Why am i in a job that makes me travel so much? Why am i in Sweden? Why am i currently in a workshop in France when i should be working in Sweden? Why am i so lost? Why am i so needy? Why do i still feel so alone? (ok, the why questions are now getting into the personal realm)

I'm hoping being in Sweden will help me get some answers to the "why". I don't expect to get all the answers, and i figure that the answer will kind of be like the one Job got, but at least, i want to know that its all in God's loving hands. I want to be a more whole person when i get back to Singapore, not a more wounded one.

Lord, I need your healing and comfort. Now more than ever.

Blading

OK, just an update, i have picked up roller-blading as another of my new hobbies.

Have been blading regularly for the last 4 weeks and i now can do T-brakes and skate backwards!

In any case, i decided to make an investment in the sport, hence i present to you..... drum roll....

K2 FrontMan Freestyle Skates

Or more simply in layman terms, a pair of $400 skates. Hopefully, this helps me blade like a pro in a year's time, or else, well... ... yeah.

On hindsight, i have too many hobbies, or rather, short time hobbies... ... i hope to be able to do something really well for once. No more jack of all trades, master of none!!!

Fingers crossed.

Cooking Dinner!

Its been some time sinced i cooked so after work me and the wife went to buy some groceries.

Then when i saw the salmon, i decided what the hey, so whipped up a meal for the both of us that night.

And after eating it, i got t say that it tasted pretty good!

Portobello mushrooms are now my fav ingredient now, hahah. Maybe i should think up a menu for Christmas?

More importantly, the wife liked the food. heh

QT

After Rollerblading, i decided to go for dinner by myself, after which, i ordered beer to end of the meal.

I came to 1 conclusion, drinking beer alone sucks. I rather drink tea alone.

On a more serious note, i think being alone gives me time to think, but also, it makes me prone to emo-ness.

Was thinking abt life, food, God, family and i realise that whenever i pray to God and do my QT, my mind tends to go on rabbit trails. I start of speaking to God, and as i continue on, i end up talking abt to myself.

I shall try to do my QT by writing to God. By far much better. Slower, but better.

Its been ages since i blogged, so even as i'm typing, i wonder who is going to read this post?

As i dust off cobwebs on this blog, i remember again why i blog, well at least why i used to blog.

Blogging used to give me a release, to let the world know who i really am.  I guess in this world, no one can truly be genuine, at least thats what the world teaches you. If you are genuine, if you let your feelings show, if you wear your heart on your sleeve, you are just asking to be used or to get hurt.

But i don't want to be that kind of person, to be guarded, to always have to be political. 

THATS JUST NOT ME! But ppl tell me, that i'm just being naive, that i'm just being childish.

But this blog allows me to let my mind roam, to let my verbal diaorreah have an outlet through the written word.

I feel like i'm losing my friends. I have let myself go and in the proces, i think i also have let go of my friends. Too many years of hurt has made me much more weary of relationships, of ppl, of church, of Christians, and even at times God. But thats not what these hurts are meant to do to me. Its not to make me more callaoused a person, it is not to make me more jaded a person. I'm supposed to learn the correct lessons and to be a comfort to others who go thru the same things that i had gone through. But even so, i feel so powerless to do so.

I'm waiting for the victory, i'm waiting for the power to be changed, i'm waiting for the love, i'm waiting for the acceptance. I really want to ask God, have i become an outcast in your family? sigh. I hate being alone. 

But i think, i make myself the outcast. I shy away from opening my heart. I lament abt how i don't feel loved and cared for by the community, but then, how much time and effort to i make to get back to my community? Its a dilema for me. I want rejoin the community, to make contact, to make meaningful connections, but at the same time, i feel tired and jaded to do so. Some may say its a spiritual attack, and at this point i may be inclined to agree.

Work doesn't help either. But one thing God is reminding me. Be faithful with the little things, only after that can i be entrusted with the big things.

I need to stay faithful, but more so, at this point with so much OT, ministry, family commitments, i'm burning out. I need to stay sane. I need to stay sane....

Pics from Sweden

Hi all.

I'm currently in Sweden, Karlskrona. Nice small town. At first i thought that there would really be very little to do, but well, it seems that there is a nice small town charm here. And especially the naval, maritime tradition here is amazing!

Karlskrona is a city in south eastern Sweden and it is host to Sweden's only remaining naval base.

Usually, my blog is hardly a photo log, but i guess cos i think only words can describe whats happening here, you'll see lots of pics!






Its currently spring and the weather has just turned warmer. Its now 8 degrees, and all the plants are growing back!

This is the old fort. As previously mentioned, Karlskrona was a huge naval/ maritime port, and defences lined the whole shore line.
Looking from the cannons. Wonderful view!

Was at the Maritime museum. Its a MUST VISIT PLACE!!! Shows the entire naval heritage of sweden! I'm taking a picture with the Sjöormen class. Its the same submarine that Singapore is using!


Periscopes!!!! Yeah, the engineer in me is excited! This is a working periscope system, that means you can see outside of the building from this system! But this system is really old. =(
The view from outside the museum. I heard that women suntan topless here in the summer. =p

Wanted to buy this for me and the wife, AHHAHA, but decided that she won't wear it. heh
These are the sculptures that are put in front of swedish ships during the old days. The left one is persus with the gorgan medusa in his right hand. Forgot who the one on the right is though.


Swedish torpedos!!!
This is the Vastorgotland class. The one that we are working on now. You can get this info from Wikipedia.


More exhibits in the museum.


An old submarine outside of the museum.

Yata!!!!

Beside an old anchor
Flowers at the town square. Every morning, you kinda have a pasar malam of sorts in the town square. You can get flowers and fruits and vegetables here. Not cheap though.

People holding a demonstration in the city square.
Was walking to meet a friend to visit the naval museum, but interestingly, i saw a huge group of people waking along the streets with all these signs. Was a peaceful demonstration, but i felt totally unfamiliar with the concept. HAHA. Was thinking of joining them to shout and walk, but well, decided against it cos i don't think we need an international incident on our hands. HEH =p.

The old submarine.
Home to pigeons now. This is the torpedo tube of the submarine!

Night view of the town


Me by the the window of my hotel room


Outside my hotel.



Went to visit a friend who is stationed here. His new apartment.
Oh, ate the most amazing European meal in my whole life!!! Amazing stuff!!! This is to die for! Hoping to go there again before i leave. Costs a bomb though. =(

Just for info, the above is lamb, and they give potato dishes, different types and really, its divine. And the soup... OmG!!!! Beats luzanne's father's soup flat!!! And luzanne's Father's soups are REALLY GOOD!!!

Before entering the resturant.
Voted best restaurant before. Just to let you know, this place is called "2 rooms and a kitchen" and we found this place by a recommendation on a travel guide.


ok, thats enough pics and info for now.

Yawn, sleepy.

Main thing. This post is dedicated to my wife. Dear, wish you were here. I hope to bring you here one day soon!