Family

Family....


mom and dad

Been thinking about my family lately, and realised that i have been running quite a fair bit away from Dad, away from Mom. Haven't been much of a good son and honestly, by the grace of God, i've been thinking alot about them. And also, a fresh love, a new love is growing for them, adding on to what was there before. Really is interesting and well, refreshing the way things are now. Dad is showing more concern and love and dare i say it, grace towards me, and so is Mom.

What triggered this?

I remember one night, i came back home, and i went to my room to hide, to hide from my friends, to hide from the world, to hide from everything and everyone who has demands of me, my time, my energy, my space.... i really couldn't take it. ( hey, its expected when you are juggling a robot which requires more time than a new born baby, studies, crusade, family, a girlfriends, discipleship church and my own walk, i'm not superman, well , not before i take off my spectacles at least)

When i went into my room, i shut the door and i was really breaking down. I was thinking " How i wish i have someone to hold me."

At that moment, my mom knocked the door and entered my room.

My mom really has been an inspiration for me, her ability to sacrifice, to be long suffering ( sigh, she ain't saved yet), to love me for who i am and for who her children are.
The things she does for my family really can put tonnes of women in the world to shame. She sleeps at 2 am in the morning because of housework, she wakes up at 5.30 am to prepare breakfast and wake my sister up, wakes my sister up at 7.30am. ( no mean feat i assure you. In most cases, you are better off waking up a 100 yr old dead corpse, but i digress) , wakes me up at 8.00am, goes to work, comes back at 6pm, prepares dinner, housework.... this has been going on for the last 10 years.

RESPECT!!!

Back to the story.
As she enters the room, i don;t know why, but i asked my mom,

G:"Mom, can hold me? ( yes, so embarassing for a 24yr old uni undergrad, i assure you, i wasn't in the best state of mind at that moment)

Mom:" What happened?"

G:" Stressed, tired. sigh really feel like giving up, throw in the towel, be a chiken rice seller ( hey , they earn good money and a decent living ok?)."

Then my mom didn't say anything after that, and just hugged me. I really felt like a kid again, and at that point of time, i didn;t really mind.

Then we started to talk, more about how she was doing rather than how was things in school, but at that point of time, it didn;t really matter who was the focus or what we were talking about. I was talking to my mom, something which i haven't done on a heart to heart level for a long time. She talked about her hopes for me, her confidence in me and how she was proud of me, she talked about how work was tiring for her and she really wants to take a holiday and retire, about how she is worried about my 2 sisters and how they are doing, about how she worries for my dad. I was glad that i could hear her voice, i was glad that i could be there talkingto her, to share that moment in time, just to be her son and to listen to what my dear mother had to say.

It was special, no , it IS special.

God, i thank you for my mom, i thank you for my dad. I believe that my family is a gift from you, albeit that it ain;t always pretty and it ain't perfect, but i love them anyway.

I went away, feeling thankful, loved and comforted.

We will always be childern in the sight of our parents, and in a way, i'm not complaining.





"

ramblings

Me, wenshan and Daniel.... guys, this is my church... I'm proud of it, because God made it. =)

Doing a fair bit of reflection lately, especially when i walk around school to class ( yes, glenn is attending classes, hahaha)

Been thinking about why i'm here on this earth. And somehow, i can'y escape it, the reason is God.

I'm not saying thisbecause I'm trying to sound oh so holy, but rather as i was walking around NUS, i thought to myself, i have a good life, although i have my failures and my hurts and there are times when i'm pretty ashamed of my existance, but take a look:

I have a tertiary education
I have a wonderful ( subjective isn;t it) girlfriend whom has the inate ability to make me utterly exasperated, yes dear, i love you too.
I have a shelter over my head.
I have a wonderful albeit small church.
A pastor whom i look up too.
Ministry which is budding.
Friends who care for me.

And of course there are the shitty stuff of life.

And at the end of the day, i ask myself, what more do i want? I'm content ( or at least i'm feeling content at this point of time, and i ask myself now, what more is there to do?

And somehow very matter of factly, the answer which comes to mind is God. I am living for God, to fulfill His plan for my life.

Somehow, that brightens up my day.

God is good, glenn cannot make it most of the time, but God CAN MAKE IT!!!

=======================================

Since God is the author and creator of my limits, then it is probably OK with Him that I have my limits
He probably does not expect me to be infinite and is a little suprised when i try.
It is OK with Him if I am not all things to all people all the time by myself.
As a matter of fact, it is probably not OK with Him if i assume otherwise.

You see, it is OK for me to have limits-- God doesn't
It is OK to get a good night's sleep-- God doesn't sleep.
It is OK for me to rest-- God doesn't need to.
It is prpbably OK to be depressed-- because God isn't.
We do not know alot about what heaven looks like, but this much we know:

God is not pacing the throne room anxious and depressed because of the condition of the world.
He knows, He is not suprised, and He is soverign.
It is OK if we have our limits. He is able.

--Richard A. Swenson, The Overload Syndrome

my current disciples, well... minus songyang ( 2nd guy from the left) 

Many Aspire, few Attain

Really has been a long time since i last blogged ( and yes, i realise that this phrase seems to be the starting phrase for my blog whenever this long haitus emerges.)

Anyway, many things happened, but i wonder if many worth talking about?

Been busy busy busy and the Lord told me: Glenn, you have been talking so much ABOUT God, how much do you actually talk WITH God?
==================================================================

It really was a humbling experience. For the last 4 months (but probably longer?), i have been a Lean Mean Ministry Machine, ( yes i know that this does not describe me in reality but in the spiritual realm, ah!!! thats a different story, but i digress), but i started.... dare i say it...... burning out.

And yes my friends and my enemies who read this blog, glenn nearly burnt out. Doing so much with so little in the tank, reading all the literature of the meaning of life online ( its for an assignment), talking to non-believers of the christian faith and walking with them thru their jaded lifestyle.... it has left me drained.

The toil was taken, and now i'm spent.

Why do i drive myself so hard? Why do i keep doing it?

Because i love the Lord? I do, but i also know that whether i do ministry or not, His love won;t change for He loves me for who i am, not what i do.

If so why then?

====================================================

Because my pride would not allow me to fail. When i left COS, with people looking at me thinking that i would fail, with my leaders playing with my faith and belief with God, with their own judgement about me and my walk with God, the pride which would not allow others from COS look down on my decision and faith in God to move to THCC. In the end.... my pride would not let me fall.

My pride would not allow me to fail or to achieve anything less then what the world or the church world at least deems as success. I wanted to prove that i was right, and by doing so, i had been wrong.

The Lord taught me that i needed to obey Him and thats it. No more of my silly personal agenda and pride dabbled and mixed into it, because if i do, where do i learn about humility? Where do i learn about forgiveness? Where do i learn about grace?

Glenn is putting down the striving for my own namesake. For God's namesake i work.

Its not going to be easy, but i'm going to work on it.

Its been a long year in leadership in Campus Crusade, and i took up another year with them upon invitation.... silly move? Many of my peers said that to me. And i agree, but i was reminded with the verse which prompted me to join crusade leadership in the first place

Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and Give to God what is God's.

I want to give God my time, effort and devotion in this ministry.

I realised that the most fruits which bore thru my involvement through the crusade ministry had nothing to do with me, it was my personal involvement into the peoples' lives which was the main impact and in turn, i was impacted by their love for me. It had nothing to do with leadership decisions or being in control, nothing at all.

I realised also how much God is doing in THCC. Our Alpha evangelistic Course is growing and with 6 participants and more coming. I don;t know, the number may seem small, but when you see how God is moving in our small church and if you see it from the point of view of seeing this church start off from scratch, you really stand amazed.

God somehow took me out of my empty tank situation and now, i'm not exactly full, but i'm half and growing. And thats a good thing.

In this life, many aspire to be the best for God, but few actually attain it.

Father, i want to be one of those who finish well with You.